It’s a question that I have thought about over the years as my husband and I happen to have chosen careers in the same industry. In fact we met at work 25 years ago.
There have been many occasions when looking for the ideal talent for a role that I have said to my husband, “I need someone exactly like you that isn’t you”.
Of course my husband would never want to work for me and I would be equally reluctant to work for him. Not because either of us would be unpleasant to work for, necessarily, but personal relationships cross so many boundaries of best practice management. Actually we would find it almost impossible to report through to each other as that’s not the basis of our equal marriage. He would undoubtedly be nicer about it than I, if truth be told.
But what do you do if your partner is actually the best person available for the job? Do you rule him or her out? It’s a question I was asked recently by a woman who was considering a short list of candidates for a role that included her boyfriend.
In my book you rule them out, no hesitation. Taking a team-based approach to hiring, a leader should try to avoid the risk of personal conflict wherever possible. For that reason the hiring of any family member is best avoided. Hiring friends can also be fraught with risk.
The question of hiring of friends is actually more likely to pop up unless you are running a family business. A few years ago I was confronted by an issue that was the result of a friendship with a direct report. My friend was the best person for the job without question. We had worked together previously on equal footing and became friends in the workplace. I moved to another company for a promotion and needed someone in my team who had exactly her skills. I also knew that she would enhance the culture of the company. So I hired her.
At her three-month probationary review she revealed that she had found working for me to be difficult because of our friendship. There was a mental shift that she needed to make and it had taken her the three months to reach that place. It was tough for me too because I had to work hard to ensure that I didn’t favour her with my time but also that I didn’t avoid her in an effort to not show favouritism. We worked together for many years after that discussion and things settled down once we found our workplace rhythm but it changed the nature of our friendship. And that’s why I would never work with my partner with one of us as manager because it would have to impact our relationship in some way. I wouldn’t want to risk it.
Have you lost a partner or friend as the result of workplace hierarchy?