I found a lump in my breast the year that Kylie Minogue was diagnosed with breast cancer. Apparently there was a mad rush on mammograms in 2005 as it woke us up to the possibility.
My doctor was clearly panicked after giving me a breast check. I had discovered a lump the size of a golf ball in my left breast in the shower that morning. My doctor couldn’t believe I hadn’t spotted it sooner. But to be honest I had been so focused on the health of my young family that I hadn’t really taken the time to look.
While I was seated in front of my doctor she phoned the hospital where I was to go for my first mammogram. “You will need to make room in your schedule. This one’s urgent,” she said.
They don’t give you the results immediately but the trainee who later gave me an ultrasound told me that although she wasn’t an expert it appeared my lumps (yes, the mammogram revealed lots of them) were “only cysts”.
As it turned out I was carrying around some of the largest cysts that the doctors at that hospital had ever seen. When I was called back in to have my cysts aspirated (literally drained with a very large needle but no anaesthetic), I was like a science project with experienced doctors entering the room to marvel at their size.
Since then I have had to repeat the procedure annually. Apparently one of the main causes of cysts in this area is stress. They told me that the first time but I didn’t want to believe it. And yet I reached the point a couple of years ago where I could actually feel the cysts developing as I internalised anger and frustration at work.
Over the years I have learned to remain composed during a disaster or disappointment at work. When I was in my twenties and early thirties I would fly off the handle. Once I became a mother I had the perspective to tell myself it’s not the worst thing that could happen, so get a grip. But the trouble with that is I instead hold it in. I literally suck it up and keep rolling forward when what I really need to do is just scream.
Screaming is rarely an acceptable way to deal with issues in the workplace. But as its important to let it out every now and then, I go for a walk around the block occasionally. I know I should do it regularly but I always forget to schedule it into my day.
What do you do to let go of stress?