Why teenagers need more supervision than toddlers - Women's Agenda

Why teenagers need more supervision than toddlers

The CEO of a major Australian corporation recently threw in his job so he could be around more often for his teenager. His position involved lots of time away from his family as he traveled often and worked long hours most days. When it became evident his child was hanging out with the wrong crowd he didn’t hesitate to sacrifice his job.

Last week at a school event there was much talk of a teenage boy who had been expelled for a banned activity. The boy was in year nine and the parents of boys the same age were surprised, shocked and scared. It wasn’t the first time we’d heard of this and we assumed it wouldn’t be the last. But of course none of us wanted to believe that our own sons could be caught up in anything that would get them expelled.

When I expressed my hope that my son would get through his teenage years trouble-free, one of the fathers asked me the following question: “do you allow your son to go out unsupervised at night?” My answer was of course “no”, but I do travel quite a bit for work and my husband and I are rarely home in the afternoons. I’m sure that resourceful teenagers who want to flex their independent muscle don’t just do it in the evenings. Don’t think this hasn’t crossed my mind…a lot.

I know that my teenage sons need me differently than they did in primary school. As little boys they needed me to love them, supervise them, transport them, feed them. As long as I gave them a lot of the first need when I was with them, I could outsource the other three to grandparents and babysitters.

Teenagers don’t think they need any of those things. My boys can get from one place to the next independently via public transport. They are capable of feeding themselves too. They appreciate the love we give them. But they are certain they don’t require supervision. Of course it’s supervision that they need more than anything else.

Teenagers require greater supervision simply because they think they are invincible and don’t need us. Unfortunately that means they can make errors of judgment. In generations past, there was a general view that children needed to make mistakes in order to learn. Parents today no longer hold that view as we now know that the wrong mistake can destroy lives.

Yesterday Julie Nance interviewed three parents who have altered their careers to cut back their hours for their high school aged children. The article generated discussion via Twitter and LinkedIn.

Karen Wynn-Jones, tax auditor said: I’ve found parenting teenagers is about hanging around in the background”.

Susanne Savetta, who works in education, added: “Teenagers require the most assistance from parents with chauffeuring to after school activities, their own social outings and work commitments”.

Tiffany King, a Marketing and Communications Manager, shared: “Advice and practical strategies for this stuff go a long way. I remember one mum telling me how she handled school holidays – which is never easy. Do a deal with other mums and take turns having a group of kids at your house and then they do the same.”

The problem is though that the older they get the less likely that teenagers will cooperate with the concept of taking turns at being supervised by another parent.

Denise Shrivell, an executive at Mediascope Advertising Directory, wrote: “So agree with this – though I am not quite at the teenage years I’ve needed a lot more flexibility to manage my kids’ school years – so like many women have had to make my own career opportunities.”

Parents who are able to structure their careers for greater flexibility at this stage of their child’s life are fortunate indeed. Of course it’s easier for the CEO of a major corporation to be able to afford to downsize his career or even take time out completely because he won’t have the same financials pressures of the average working family.

Would you cut back your career to be around for your teenager? How might you do this?

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