It was parent-teacher night at my youngest son’s school yesterday. As I have done every year since my oldest son started school, I raced from work to the school with one eye on the clock.
Like many working mothers I have made the mad dash to the school countless times over the years with just minutes to spare. The challenge has been to time my exit from the office to perfection. Then I hope like crazy the traffic will part to allow me swift passage.
The one thing I have learned during this annual ritual is that important client meetings will be a distant memory a few days later but children seem to have a long memory for missed school events or those occasions they were left waiting for a parent to arrive in time for the first parent-teacher appointment of the afternoon.
I am a working mother and I have been late to school plays, sports carnivals and parent-teacher meetings. There’s no point denying it. The fact that I can finally acknowledge it means I am healing.
When I missed my son’s part in the play he was very young and didn’t know because he didn’t notice. I was briefed on his performance by a sympathetic parent who did notice me search desperately for a seat before my son noticed me arriving. Many working parents have been in my shoes.
I have missed my son’s one and only race at the athletics and swimming carnivals by minutes. And on each occasion I was able to fake it due to the assistance of a helpful mother who seemed to understand my pain. Pretending to have seen the race didn’t change my disappointment at not being there but it did save my son from the hurt of knowing his mum didn’t get there in time.
In the past it was a meeting running overtime or my anxiety about leaving work early that caused me to arrive late. I was in my early thirties and mid-career when my oldest son started school. During the primary school years it was more difficult to get away without feeling a massive amount of work-guilt.
By the time my sons reached high school I was in a management role and that provided far greater flexibility. The only guilt I needed to focus on was parental, although it was still difficult to exit a client meeting on time.
My youngest son is high on the empathy scale and completely understanding if I can’t get to a school event these days. But I don’t allow that to stop me trying. Business meetings won’t be remembered in years to come but our children’s special moments will be talked about forever.