I love a team dinner. Two of my heads of department are women and when we travel interstate for business we often dine together. During the course of the evening our team bond strengthens while sharing wine and a lot of laughs. Our working relationship is open and honest, possibly as the direct result of how well we gel as a team.
In the past six weeks the final two members of my new management team joined the company to complete the organisational restructure that began with the appointment of the two women. The new additions are Gen-Y men. So I took them to dinner last week to begin the team bonding process.
As we shared war stories and lots of laughter over an Italian meal, I was aware that if I were a 40-something-year-old man at a restaurant with three women up to two decades younger eyebrows would be raised. I have witnessed groups like that and judged them according to my own experiences with a few creepy older male bosses. But perhaps that’s unfair. Why shouldn’t leaders of either gender be able to bond with their teams, regardless of the team gender? If men and women were truly equal in the corporate world then surely it should make no difference.
I have a secret squirrel group of friends who I consult on matters of social and business etiquette. Between them they have worked for a number of Australia’s largest corporations at junior and senior levels. I put this dilemma to them. Is there a double standard in society that would cause a male leader to avoid a night out with his female team while female leaders like me don’t feel the need to think twice?
According to the men in my group, there is a double standard, but their perspective on this issue was the exact opposite of what I was expecting. They all had a problem with the idea of a woman dining out with her much younger male team. If they had been in that Italian restaurant a week ago they would have been judging me. One of them used the term ‘cougar’.
“I think the perception of the situation is different for men & women,” a male friend, who is an executive for an ASX100 company, explained. “To me, it ‘looks’ a bit strange for an older woman to do so, such that an outsider without any knowledge of the people or circumstances would question the situation.”
My female friends argued for no double standard, believing there isn’t an issue with team dinners hosted by either gender.
“Definitely nothing creepy about it in my eyes,” one of them shared. “I’ve had many a business lunch with an older male boss taking out a table of younger female co-workers and wouldn’t think twice about taking out male co-workers for a team lunch.”
“I think it would appear more creepy for an older male to be taking his female colleagues out,” another female friend added, “although it’s probably not so bad in a group situation but definitely creepy in a one-on-one situation. Most women I know in leadership roles are very professional but I’ve worked for a few creepy older men so maybe that’s influenced my judgement.”
Do you think we will reach the point where gender no longer matters and both male and female leaders can bond with their team in public without fear of judgement? If not, then surely this is a further barrier to workplace equality.