Is it possible to live a balanced life? If your immediate response to that question is to recoil internally you might like to set aside 30 minutes this weekend to listen to a My Agenda webinar I hosted with Megan Dalla-Camina on Wednesday. (We are offering Women’s Agenda readers a one-month free trial so you can listen to the webinar for free.) In writing that, however, I realise if balance is eluding you your response to that suggestion is likely to be “Where exactly do you think I will find 30 minutes?”
It may seem like a riddle but if you listen to the webinar you could be surprised by just how much time you can find.
As Megan discussed her 12 point-plan for creating a more balanced life a few things struck me. The first is that we have to accept responsibility for creating the life we want, which means being mindful and accountable about all of the choices we make. The second is that doing that doesn’t require us to turn our lives upside down or inside out.
The road to balance starts with creating some basic boundaries, something Megan says many women struggle with. A boundary means having a point at which you say ‘no’; the point at which you place your needs ahead of someone else’s. As scary and even counter-intuitive as that might sound, it’s absolutely necessary if you want to live life more on your own terms.
And ultimately that’s what balance is about: finding a way to live your life on your own terms. It’s a fluid concept that will change often but by building a framework of small decision that facilitates a semblance of balance you’ll be better placed to achieve it.
One piece of advice of Megan’s that I really liked is to start with a few little tweaks. Make a rule you will not look at email after 10pm, or that you’ll put your phone away at 9pm, or that you’ll have the lights out at 10.30pm on ‘school nights’; even these minor changes will improve your sense of balance, simply by putting yourself in the driving seat.
It reminded me of a fantastic woman I recently had lunch with. Our conversation eventually turned to the topic of managing work and family and she ended up sharing some of the sagest – and most useful – advice I’d ever heard. After spending too many Sunday nights feeling completely shattered by busy weekends, her and her husband started talking about how they wanted their weekends to look. They have busy working weeks, he runs a business and she works fulltime, so they introduced a few rules to set the tone for their weekends and family life.
Before telling me their rules she was quick to point out that what works for each family is different; it will always depend on the circumstances and preferences of everyone involved. Even still, I think their rules could benefit many of us, and certainly not just families.
They only commit to one social event per day of the weekend – if they’re invited to a bbq on Saturday afternoon and later someone else invites them to brunch they decline. If the kids are invited to two birthday parties on the same day, they can only attend one. Ideally they keep one day of the weekend with nothing scheduled so they can be spontaneous and do what suits all of them. Each month they have “a date” in the daytime, rather than trying to muster the energy to go out for dinner at the end of a long day when they’re both tired. They might get a babysitter for a few hours on a Sunday morning to go walking and have a coffee together.
They’re small choices, or boundaries, but their effect is quite big. It means the whole family is on the same page, they enjoy their family time and they all feel more relaxed at the end of the weekend. Obviously there are times when the rules won’t work, and perhaps those rules won’t suit everyone, but I quite like the idea of having a conversation with the members of your household about how you want your weekends (and your weeks) to ideally look. Even just having the conversation will prompt you to consider what’s working for you and what isn’t.
Do you have any rules for creating balance? Are you good at setting boundaries? If you could make one small change what would it be? I have made two small tweaks recently and I am feeling better for them already. I have started ignoring my iPhone after 10pm (it’s a start!) and turning out the light at 10.30pm at the absolute latest.