When my sons were babies I worried about missing out on those special moments as a full-time working mother. My husband witnessed first steps that I missed. I heard first words that I relayed enthusiastically to him. We were a two-career family and learned early that it wasn’t about us, it was about them.
So when the youngest wrapped his arms around me after work one night, aged five, and declared, “you are the third best mummy in the world”, I tried my hardest to smile alongside him and disguise my devastation. His grandmothers were regular babysitters so I naturally assumed they were ranked one and two. I could live with that. But no. Apparently the best mum in the world belonged to one of his best friends and she baked yummy cakes and biscuits every day after school. My son had been at the boy’s home that afternoon and experienced the joy of homemade baked goods first hand. And he liked it.
The second best mum in the world’s son was also a school friend. This mother collected the boys from school the day before and took them to the park with the dog. And then she bought them ice cream on the way home. It was hours later that I returned home from a crazy working day.
The fact that I came third in the line-up of perfect mothers at the school was worth deconstructing. I didn’t have time to bake or go to the park on a school day but I must have been doing something right. My boys were always so happy to see me, even after very long days. I didn’t have a lot of time with them on week days but the time we had was all about them.
On reflection, I lost a lot of sleep worrying about what I was missing as a working mother. I meet a lot of first-time mothers with careers who worry about this too. Mothers are pulled in every direction and the temptation to ditch the career can become overwhelming. I fought those thoughts that originated in my heart for 20 years and can finally say it was worth it.
My youngest is in his second last year of school and his brother is about to finish his degree at university. The years have flown by and my career hasn’t let up. I still return home hours after the boys get there, following long and challenging days in the office. I have never had the time to bake or throw balls at the park during the week. Most weeks I spend at least one night in another state and catch up with them by phone. Last night the youngest wrapped his arms around me, kissed me on the forehead and told me I am the “greatest mum ever”. For no apparent reason.
A decade later and the third best mum in the world has moved up the rankings while juggling a career. To all of the mums who worry that it will never get better, I can promise that it will.