Matt Haig, masculinity & the problem with suppressing men - Women's Agenda

Matt Haig, masculinity & the problem with suppressing men

Earlier this week I noticed a new follower on Twitter. Matt Haig is a UK based-writer who I hadn’t heard of but I had a quick scan of his feed and a few of his ideas jumped out at me.

A shortened version of my argument is this: men benefit more than women from sexism, but both would be better off with feminism.

Of COURSE patriarchy hurts everyone. It handicaps society. How many more Marie Curies or Brontes could there have been without it?

It is NOT sexist to say that a tightly defined construct of masculinity harms men. Because, you know, it does.

The irony is of course that patriarchal sexism encourages the myth of the strong, silent male who should man up and not be vulnerable.

I was immediately hooked. A longer look through his feed led me to discover Haig is an award winning novelist who has recently published his first non-fiction book, a memoir called Reasons to Stay Alive.
I also learned those earlier tweets were at the centre of what became a social media storm that was sparked when he sent this tweet.

“My next non-fic book will either be: 1. A book about masculinity. 2. A book about the world making us mad. 3. A book about being a writer.” 

I wouldn’t have thought anything in that was controversial. I was wrong.

This is the tweet that led to Haig being “crucified” as The Guardian reported.

WHY?

Here are a few other comments he made:

“I really believe that male gender constraints need to be looked at too. They are real. And they hurt women and men and everyone.
If you are a man you must always look happy with the patriarchy and never challenge it and encourage your sons to be warriors and crap?
I want my son not to feel self-conscious he likes ballet and my daughter to carry on playing Han Solo, that’s all.
I have never in my life felt oppressed by women, or that feminism is a problem. I do think boys find it hard to like things seem as feminine
How clearly can I put this? I am not denying female oppression, I am trying to stop it by calling for a more fluid masculinity.
Saying men can’t moan about gender is another version of saying ‘man up’, which stems from patriarchal view of strong, silent male.
The template of what being a man is, is quite small. At my school: football, violent games, no emotion, banter, war films, girls as objects.

 

AM I MISSING SOMETHING?

I read each of those tweets and thought, YES! This is a conversation we need to be having. These are the ideas that we need to be exploring. His observations resonated with me, and I quite genuinely thought to myself, wouldn’t it be great if there were more men who wanted to take part in that conversation.

I still think that.

It turns out that Haig started thinking about writing a book exploring toxic masculinity whilst he was “trapped on a train with 500 aggressive and drunk football fans”. 

Haig’s idea spurred a “wild response”:

“Within two minutes, I was met with sarcasm and derision. “Oh, the things white cisgender heteronormative dude writers say…. That is so adorable” was the first comment, and then it escalated. A few called their followers to shut me up. One that I should “suck my mum” and “stfu”. All harmless stuff, I suppose, and certainly not comparable with rape threats and the like, but it was confusing me. When I tried to explain it was pro-feminist, because a softening of gender roles would have feminist outcomes, I was met with more derision for “mansplaining” feminism.”

MASCULINITY REDEFINED

I contacted Haig and we exchanged a few emails. I was disappointed, but not at all surprised, when he explained the reaction had prompted him to reconsider. I was even more disappointed when I read this:

“I was naïve, even in a post-HeForShe age, to believe it was possible for a man to write a pro-feminist book about masculinity, but I honestly thought it was an inclusive idea. Writers are drawn to the grey areas of life, but I don’t enjoy controversy, contrary to what some have told me, and am now scared of writing the book. Yet, as Malorie Blackman said on Twitter, “the vitriolic reaction… shows just how much it’s needed”. I just don’t know if I’m the person to write it.”

My view is that this topic needs to be explored. How can we hope to raise and nurture a generation of young men willing to create and embrace a version of masculinity beyond “football, violent games, no emotion, banter, war films, girls as objects” if we don’t talk about it?

And if it’s not by a thoughtful author personally invested in that world order, who will?

×

Stay Smart! Get Savvy!

Get Women’s Agenda in your inbox