Domestic violence is never acceptable. Why is that so hard to accept? - Women's Agenda

Domestic violence is never acceptable. Why is that so hard to accept?

Last night just before I went to bed I opened Facebook. I was saddened and a little shocked to see a headline that Jodhi Meares’ fiancé Jon Stevens had been charged in relation to a domestic violence incident.

Earlier this week Stevens was charged and arrested for assault and will appear in Waverly Local Court today, where police will apply for an apprehended violence order against him on behalf of Meares. The matter is under police investigation.  

Why was I shocked? I’m not exactly sure. I suppose the fact is despite the known prevalence of domestic violence it is still unnerving to see faces attached to the scourge. My initial shock quickly gave way to proper shock when I read some of the comments underneath the story.

Domestic violence a serious issue. Was she a victim though? Her track record is a bit like the boy who cried wolf.

Maybe she was drunk and needed to be restrained from driving…

Maybe he’s just sick of her drinking escapades…in saying that hitting someone is just not on.

There is always two sides to the story, maybe they are both violent people that shouldn’t be together.

It’s no one’s business, move on everyone

I’m not going to provide a link to these comments but they are verbatim. Admittedly no single Facebook thread can be used to draw evidence-based conclusions about the entire population but I was struck by the fact that six of the first 15 comments were along these lines.

The ease with which people sought to minimise and justify an alleged assualt, as a first port of call, rather than definitively rejecting violence, shocked me.  

Last year Jodhi Meares was charged with high-range drink-driving: she was almost four times over the legal limit and crashed into three parked cars in Sydney. Fortunately no one was injured but it doesn’t detract from the danger she posed on the roads; a fact that isn’t and shouldn’t be minimised or diminished by any circumstances.

But regardless of how dangerous and irresponsible drink driving is, it doesn’t make a person deserving of being assaulted. Ever.  To my mind these are not mutually exclusive positions, but to others it seems they are.

Aside from the willingness to justify an alleged incident I was troubled by the implication in some of these comments that Stevens has some power over Meares. That if she was drinking and he needed to control her that would be ok to assault her. That wouldn’t be ok.

Domestic violence is never acceptable. Why is that so hard to accept?

If you or someone you know is impacted by sexual assault or family violence, call 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732 or visit www.1800RESPECT.org.au In an emergency, call 000.

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