Assisted reproduction and choosing to be a single mother - Women's Agenda

Assisted reproduction and choosing to be a single mother

My mum grabbed my hand and squeezed. I could see tears welling up in her eyes. I giggled and looked at her. “Mum, there doesn’t need to be any love for conception to be successful.” The doctor looked up from between my legs. “Well, you could say that about any conception, really,” and we all laughed.

We were in the offices of Melbourne IVF and I was having my first round of IUI (intrauterine insemination) using donor sperm. The doctor was holding a single vial of ‘washed’ sperm from my chosen donor and preparing to do the insemination.

Single, happy with my 16-year career in journalism and eager for the next chapter of my life to start, I was ready to have a family. At 34 years old I didn’t want to wait several years and then have to hit the panic button. I also didn’t want to have to ramp up a search for a partner to hysterical levels. I was happy living my life solo.

The way I saw it, I’d never needed a man to achieve my life’s goals or milestones. And even if you did meet someone and start a family, there was no guarantee they’d stick around anyway. How was this any different? Besides, I’m far from alone.

In 2013 Australia’s birth rate dropped to the lowest point since 2006, according to the Australian Bureau of Statistics, attributed at least in part to the global financial crisis. Meanwhile, over the past 30 years, fertility rates for older mums have nearly tripled.

Larger clinics that run the majority of assisted reproductive technology (ART) services confirm that the numbers of single women accessing the services are on the rise and have been for some time. 

Medical Director of IVFAustralia, Peter Illingworth confirmed to Women’s Agenda that the number of single women coming to IVF Australia clinics in NSW to start a family has doubled in the last five years. 

“On average, single women make up around 50 per cent of our sperm donor waiting list,” he said.

Fertility East, the Monash IVF Group clinic in Bondi prides itself on its treatment of single women and runs regular information sessions.

Melbourne IVF also says 50 per cent of their sperm donor waiting list is made up of single women and there was an increase of around 10 per cent from 2013 to 2014.

It’s therefore baffling that the medical industry actually doesn’t collect any of this data at a national level. The most comprehensive report produced is Assisted Reproductive Technology In Australia and New Zealand and is an initiative of the Fertility Society of Australia. It doesn’t break down any data around single women or gay women seeking to use the technology – this data is only collected by the individual clinics and not passed on to any national body.

What we do know is that nationally, the number of initiated ART cycles rose to 71,516 in 2013, from 66,347 in 2011 and the clinics themselves confirm that single women are making up a greater percentage of those cycles.

Also, despite more women accessing this service, we don’t appear to be talking any more about it, either in the media or even at the pub.

This could be an extension of the general reticence to talk about female reproductive issues or challenges generally (think miscarriage, IVF and menopause).

But to not talk about it is not only disingenuous, because it ignores what is clearly a strong trend according to the clinics themselves, it is to deprive women who’ve chosen to spend their most fertile years focussed on other endeavours (such as their careers) an option that many may not have even considered.

While social factors, stigma or a lack of awareness can dissuade women from pursuing single motherhood, costs can be prohibitive for some. These costs vary widely based on circumstance (for instance, fees for IVF cycles can be supplemented by Medicare in some cases, but not all). Egg freezing is around $10,000-$12,000, plus additional yearly storage fees. IUI costs can range from $5,000-$8,000, with additional cycles around the $2,000 to $4,000 mark. 

There’s a significant economic imperative for both state and national governments to get serious about talking about this option for women and to support those choosing it. 

Fertility rates have dropped to below replacement rates in some states (including Victoria) and raise concerns around economic stability, such as retiree funding, especially with financial markets not looking to make a significant rebound to healthy growth rates any time soon. 

One of the first steps I took to prepare myself for my journey as a single mum was to read the fantastic Choosing Single Motherhood: The Thinking Woman’s Guide by American journalist Mikki Morrissette. It’s a book I’d recommend to any woman choosing to take this route to starting a family. It addresses issues like budgeting, preparation, key considerations and how to tell your friends and family, through interviews with literally hundreds of women who’ve become choice mothers (a term given to women who choose to be single parents). 

But apart from some of the seminars run by the clinics themselves and the (sometimes compulsory) counselling for women accessing the services, there isn’t a huge amount of information or support available to Australian women around choice motherhood.

Among the raft of American online forums there is one Australian forum in which choice mothers gather to chat, share information and support one another. These discussions often translate into sympathetic and supportive real-world meet-ups, several of which I attended.

When I discuss my donor-sperm IUI experience, women I am talking to are often most eager to discuss the donor selection process, cost and legal ramifications when the child is old enough to want to meet his or her biological father. These are all things I’ve have detailed at length in conversations with my friends and colleagues. Since my first IUI round last year, at least three women I know have gone on to access similar services. 

As for me, just after my first IUI round, which failed, I met my partner and we are expecting our first child (conceived through natural methods) early next year. 

But at the age of 36 and beyond, should I again find myself single, I would absolutely consider returning to IUI/IVF if my finances allowed. For those who can afford access, it is a real option and should be considered, even as social attitudes struggle to catch up.

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