Asking for what you want is a learned skill and it’s not something we’re generally taught at school or in the office. But asking for what you want, promoting yourself, communicating your needs and negotiating to achieve the best outcome are critical skills for women to start building a more equal, balanced and productive working world.
Learning how to negotiate and finding my voice at work has changed my career in countless ways. It has brought me greater success and more money, as well as more confidence, happiness and well-being. I’m more confident in managing my work life and I feel empowered to speak up when something isn’t working for me.
There was a time when I would allow myself to become overwhelmed with work or get down about feeling under utilised or unappreciated. The turning point for me happened over a coffee with a friend. I was complaining about being overloaded and stressed and she asked me “Why do you think this is happening?”
When I got home, I reflected on this, and thought long and hard about the answer. I realised that it was up to me to change my situation. Here’s what I learned about negotiating and finding my voice at work and how this can advance your career and make you happier in the workplace:
1. People aren’t mind-readers – I used to think that my managers or team members would jump in and help me when they could see I was overloaded with work. I assumed that people could see how stressed I was and would offer support as a result. If you want help – you need to ask for it. I remember being amazed when I first started reaching out for support and it was offered without hesitation. If you need something, ask for it, don’t assume that people can read your mind.
2. You gain respect by speaking up. I had been afraid most of my career to speak up and ask for what I wanted because I thought I would be knocked back or judged. I worried so much about what my superiors and colleagues thought of me that it prevented me from saying what I really wanted. This didn’t change until several years ago when I worked with someone who pointed out that I needed to start pushing back if my workload was getting too much for me. Up until that point, I was so worried of losing my job or losing respect that I suffered in silence. My colleague pointed out that you gain respect by speaking up and it’s a core principle which I’ve lived by ever since.
3. Learn how to ‘position’ disagreement. I used to be afraid of disagreeing with someone in a meeting, particularly someone senior. I would always agree with what my managers said and feel like I was being a good team player. I learned that challenging the status quo, questioning ideas and offering up a different perspective earns the respect of people you work with. Your point of view matters and you are on the team and in the room because your perspective is valuable – so say what you want to say. I’ve also learned that people in very senior roles appreciate it if you respectfully challenge their ideas because they are often surrounded by ‘yes’ people. Be brave enough to voice how you see things and give that different perspective which can help improve the outcome or end result.
4. The art of ‘No’. I used to think I always had to say yes when a manager or colleague asked me to do something. You need to be respectful when considering your co-worker’s or boss’s requests but it is OK to let them know if you don’t think a particular task or timeframe is manageable. If you feel unsure as to whether a task is doable, start with saying “Can I get back to you on that?” This gives you some time to look at what you’ve got on your plate and then you can go back to them with a balanced response. There’s a way of saying ‘no’ or ‘not now’ artfully; if your boss asks you to do something that isn’t feasible you can negotiate by saying, for example, “I really want to help you with that, but with my current workload I won’t meet those timeframes. Can we push something else back, or is there someone who can support us with this?”
The key is to remember that negotiating IS an option. You don’t have to be a yes person – it’s OK to balance, negotiate or even pushback in the workplace and do it professionally and diplomatically.
Alice is a money and mindset transformation coach to help women transform their personal relationships with money to live wealthier, more wonderful lives (www.alicecrawley.com). Unlike budgeting services and websites, Alice Crawley helps women redefine their relationship with money, which is the most common roadblock to long-term financial freedom.
Alice is launching “The Working Woman’s Guide to Negotiation; learning to ask for and get what you want” in late 2015.
You can find her on