Many of us want more from our careers, but as a money and mindset coach, I often see women not asking for what they want or not believing they are worth more.
I am often told by clients that they are looking for recognition and appreciation in the workplace in order to get that long awaited raise or promotion. When I ask them if they are proactively promoting their own achievements and asking for more they look at me in dismay.
And herein lies one of the challenges we create for ourselves. Before you throw your arms up in dismay, let me explain because I believe there are many reasons for this, including unconscious barriers.
Most business and working environments have a long way to go when it comes to empowering and enabling women in the workplace. Could part of the issue that some women are holding back from speaking up?
For some, we don’t feel safe to ask for what we want, we push down our true desires or we just don’t really believe that we are worth what we want. I know many women have felt this at one time or other during their careers.
Why women don’t ask?
Although women have come a long way since entering the work force, there is still a considerable wage gap (women earn about 82 cents for every dollar men earn). Furthermore, women are up against societal challenges when it comes to negotiating for higher salaries and pushing for promotions.
Multiple psychological studies show that part of the wage gap issue relates to differences in gender perceptions; one being that many women feel less worthy of higher pay than men.
There are historical reasons for this; women have been doing unpaid work for thousands of years. Looking after the home and the family has always been an expected part of a women’s role.
You may think this is no longer true in today’s society, but according to the United Nations Statistic Division, women continue to be responsible for most of the household work; cooking, cleaning and caring for children and family dependents globally, “in all regions women spend at least twice as much time as men on unpaid domestic work.” The United Nations report further explains that these expectations around girls doing more unpaid work around the house than boys starts as early as the age of 5.
Based on workforce participation numbers alone – men are bound to negotiate on a more regular basis than women and most men have been societally conditioned to ask for whatever they want.
Men are often raised to assume that it’s always OK to ask for what they want whereas women may not even realise asking for more is an option. This inherently limits the amount of negotiating women do overall because some don’t believe they can, leading to many women feeling less confident at the negotiating table.
This is not surprising, given this historical expectations and the society ‘norm’ that women feel their work is of less value than the work of men.
The reality is that regardless of your age, or occupation, negotiating for more money is a key strategy in changing your financial future.
How to start speaking up? Empowering working women to find their voice and ask
Women can pave the way for greater empowerment and gender equality at work by owning what they want and asking for it.
Asking for what you want is a learned skill. It’s not something we’re generally taught at school or in the office. But asking for what you want, promoting yourself, communicating your needs and negotiating to achieve the best outcome are critical skills for women to start building a more equal, balanced and productive working world.
I believe there are 6 founding principles to successful negotiation including:
Getting clear: find your WHY and your wants
Know your ask – defining your goals
Prepare and strategize for success
Communicating with confidence
Dealing with rejection, pushback and roadblocks
Pulling it all together, taking action + momentum = successful outcomes
Time to BYOT (Blow your own trumpet)
Over the years I’ve heard this one expression many women say and it’s one I’ve said myself too many times. “I don’t want to blow my own trumpet but…”
When discussing negotiation strategies with clients, I like to kick start proceedings with an informal “Blow your own trumpet”, session which I call BYOT.
Why?
Because, it’s a really important skill when it comes to asking for more. I’ve noticed that women who know how to ask for what they want also know how to promote themselves professionally.
Blowing your own trumpet isn’t something to be ashamed of but rather something to embrace. It’s about acknowledging what you’ve done well and where you add value to the world. Knowing how to BYOT is key in asking for more in any workplace.
Celebrate what you have to offer.
After all, it’s what successful people do really well. They call out when they’ve done a great job. They blow their own trumpet in a way that’s professional and strong, so that people around them know their value in their teams, organisations and communities.
So next time you hear a friend, or colleague complain about a missed promotion or pay rise, I suggest you have a chat with them about the art of negotiating and get them to blow their own trumpet.