Women are frequently told to ‘be confident’ – something that is all very well for some women, but a challenging and even horrifying thought for others. Instead, it would be more realistic and productive to tell women to ‘practice confidence’.
And given some believe there’s a ‘confidence gap’ between men and women and can point to data that shows women are less self-assured when it comes to their abilities, knowing one’s level of confidence does not necessarily equate with their competence is reassuring. Meanwhile, knowing confidence is something that can be learned and improved over time is even better.
Dr Caroline Hong has been the CEO of three companies, a dentist, and served on the boards of numerous organisations in Australia and Asia. Her CV is long and impressive, covering thirty years in business, healthcare and government.
Hearing her speak recently on a Women’s Agenda roundtable in the lead up to Macquarie University’s Women, Management and Work conference, it’s hard to imagine her ever lacking confidence. But 38 years ago when she first arrived in Australia, in a foreign country and dealing with a foreign language, she did.
That’s changed. “Now I feel confident walking into a room full of men, I feel confidence in a a room full of people I don’t know,” she said.
Hong puts her confidence down to an accumulation of experience, years of practice, and the personal “cheer-squad” of supportive mentors she met along the way.
“It’s firstly about getting out of your comfort zone and actually challenging yourself in difficult situations,” she said. “It’s practicing, and really being prepared to actually be rejected, be humiliated. Not many people are willing to do that but unless you’re willing to go through that exercise, you will never improve.”
Hong added that her ‘cheerleaders’ have helped her stamp out internal self-doubting dialogue. “Whenever I’ve taken on leadership positions, I’d always have at least one champion to encourage me. A voice behind me that’s louder than the one internally saying, ‘Caroline don’t brag, don’t do that’. They encouraged me. I call them my cheerleaders. They gave me unconditional support.”
Hong’s one of many, many examples of women who have worked at improving their confidence over time, especially by intentionally putting themselves in difficult and uncomfortable situations in order to train the muscle. She opened herself up to help from supporters, and allowed them to remind her of her core abilities and skills.
Her experience shows a lack of confidence is not something you have to live and put up with for the duration of your career. It takes work, and may require a great support base, but it can be overcome.
As Katty Kay and Claire Shipman write in The Confidence Gap: “If we keep at it, if we channel our talent for hard work, we can make our brains more confidence-prone. What the neuroscientists call plasticity, we call hope.”
No career is doomed due to a lack of confidence — but it can affect one’s ability to reach their full potentially. Practice, when it comes to confidence, won’t make perfect. But over time and by attracting supporters, it can certainly help.