How to hold people accountable - Women's Agenda

How to hold people accountable

‘He always misses deadlines.’

‘I’m always having to chase her on things.’

‘He’s never shown up at a meeting prepared and on time.’  

If you’ve ever found yourself frustrated at someone who’s perpetually slack, or late, or unreliable then you’ll relate to some of the comments above. Many people value their promises cheaply or simply manage their commitments poorly. Others have a hard time holding people to account. It’s easier to just let it go and hope they’ll be more reliable next time.

The problem is, they rarely are.

It’s an old rule of life that we teach people how to treat us. Yet often we women, highly attuned to building relationships but reticent to say anything to ruffle them, can struggle when it comes to calling people on broken promises – our friends most of all. It just feels like less stress to say nothing; even to just do it ourselves.

At least in the short term.

But here’s the deal: when you decide not to call someone on their broken promise and ill-managed commitment, you are, albeit inadvertently, being part of the problem.  The one thing you can count on is to expect more of it. More broken promises. More turning up late. More cut corners. More well worn excuses. More missed deadlines. And more of the stress, frustration and resentment you’d much rather avoid. 

However, like so many of the things you know are good for you to do, holding people accountable requires exiting your comfort zone and engaging in the uncomfortable work of a tough conversation. Emotions can run high and sensitivities deep. It’s why it takes an ounce or three of courage. Sometimes more.

Turning the tide begins with renewing your commitment to manage every area of your life with integrity. When it comes to your commitments, it’s about honoring your word and then refusing to tolerate any less from others.

Having coached many people working in cultures with poor accountability, failing to hold people to account can set off a ripple effect that is far-reaching and costly. It doesn’t just undermine your own integrity, reputation and influence, it impacts all those around you. (And if you’re in one of those organizations, either choose to be the change you want to see in those around or, if that feels totally futile, choose to make an exit plan! Either way, be brave.)

If you are overdue a conversation about accountability, here is a summary of four steps I outlined in my latest book Brave to help you on your way (and a lesson on getting your kids to tidy their room!)

  1. Be crystal clear about what’s expected: Sometimes you can clear up a simple misunderstanding at the outset just by clarifying what it was you expected in the first place. To ensure against the same thing happening again, always make sure people are clear about both what you expect to be done and when you expect it to be done. Ambiguity is a recipe for frustration and unmet expectation.
  2. Ask for an explanation before making an accusation: It’s always important to give someone the benefit of the doubt to begin with. Maybe they’ve just been really busy and thought other priorities were more important. Maybe they needed more guidance. Maybe something came up out of the blue and they just forgot to tell you. Hear them out and give them a chance to explain themselves.
  3. Share the impact of them not keeping their word: People aren’t always conscious of how their behaviour impacts other people, or even themselves. So you need to be straight with them about how their failure to manage their commitments has impacted you, others and them! Maybe you had to work back late to finish what they didn’t. Maybe it affected your entire team and you had to manage the fallout. Maybe you’re just disappointed with them. Maybe you’ll have to think twice before relying on them again. Maybe others will. This isn’t about making them feel bad; it’s just being upfront about the impact so you can make things better in the future.
  4. Reset expectations: Likewise, if someone has let you down, it’s important to renegotiate exactly what it is you want, when you want it and what they are able to deliver. By having the courage to have the conversation, rather than tip-toeing around, you set the stage for greater accountability and less disappointment.

If you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it.  So, as uncomfortable as you may feel, just know that when you do what you know is right and hold people accountable to their word, albeit uncomfortable, everyone—including them— ultimately comes out better off. (Just don’t expect a thank-you card.)

BRAVE NIGHT OUT SYDNEY

Join Margie for a BRAVE NIGHT OUT in Sydney on May 13th with fabulous food, wine and courageous conversations on how to live and lead more bravely. Registration and details

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