One of my friends is having some trouble with her boss. They are quite good friends which is making it more complicated. My friend has heard that her boss is unhappy with her performance but hasn’t said that to her (she has heard some negative comments but the other staff say the actual feedback is much worse). My friend wants to talk to her boss about it. Is this wise? If so how can she start a productive conversation? Thanks for your help as my friend is quite upset.
Rumours are dangerous and they are toxic. Regardless of whether they are true or not, the people that spread them get sucked in like a sugar addiction, and they can feel like poisonous venom for those on the receiving end.
This is fairly straightforward in terms of the action I would recommend. It is really important that your friend stops any further emotional downward spiral, and the quickest way to do that is to have a direct conversation with her boss. I suggest she gets the first meeting time her boss has available, and in that meeting, she relays that she has heard some negative feedback circling the office, and simply ask whether there is any truth to it.
This can be a productive conversation. Your friend will either get some (hopefully) constructive feedback about areas that need to be improved upon, or she will be told that the rumours are not true. If this is the case, she can decide whether to take the matter further and find out how the rumours got started. However in my experience, it is usually best just to let it go and get on with it, unless it is a recurring situation.
If there is negative feedback from her boss, she should take it in her stride, advise her boss that she will take it on board and quickly move forward. It would not be out of line however, especially as you said they are friends, to request in future that any feedback is reserved for her and her alone, and that it does not become a source of gossip for the team in the office. This is inappropriate and unprofessional, and no one should be subjected to it.